After your teen self-harms, the trust between you may feel broken. Learn how to gently rebuild connection and safety—without pressure or guilt.
How to Rebuild Trust with Your Teen After They Self-Harm
When your child self-harms, it can feel like the ground has shifted beneath your feet. You may feel betrayed, heartbroken, or unsure how to move forward. And your teen? They may feel just as scared, ashamed, or unsure if they can trust you with their pain.
The truth is, self-harm doesn’t just wound the one who’s struggling—it affects the whole family. But there’s hope. With intentional steps, you can rebuild the trust that self-harm may have shaken.
Here’s how to begin.
Understand That Trust Is a Two-Way Street
Your teen may have hidden their self-harm not because they didn’t trust you—but because they didn’t know how to trust anyone with their pain. Trust isn’t rebuilt overnight. It’s rebuilt through small, consistent moments of safety and care.
Ask yourself:
- Can my teen be honest with me without fear of punishment?
- Am I creating space for hard conversations without jumping to fix?
Respond to Relapses Without Shame
It’s not uncommon for self-harm behaviors to resurface, even after progress. The way you respond to those moments matters.
Instead of:
“What?! Again? I thought we were past this.”
Try:
“I’m sorry you’re hurting again. I’m still here. You’re not alone in this.”
This tells your teen: you don’t expect perfection, and they don’t lose your love when they struggle.
Stick to Your Word
If you promise to keep something confidential—unless it’s a safety issue—follow through. If you say you’ll call a therapist, do it. Follow-through builds emotional safety.
Your consistency is what makes you a safe person, not your perfection.
Don’t Make It All About the Self-Harm
Your teen is more than the pain they’re carrying. Make time to connect over things that have nothing to do with their struggles.
- Cook together.
- Watch a show they love.
- Go for a quiet walk.
- Ask them to teach you something.
These small acts remind your child: “You’re not broken. You’re still you, and I love all of you.”
Apologize if You Mess Up—and Keep Trying
Parenting through self-harm is hard. You might say the wrong thing. You might lose your temper. That doesn’t mean the trust is gone forever.
Say:
“I’m sorry I reacted that way. I’m learning too—and I want to do better.”
Honesty, humility, and a willingness to keep showing up—even imperfectly—are powerful healing tools.
Final Thoughts
Trust after self-harm takes time. It’s okay if your relationship feels fragile. What matters most is that your teen knows you’re trying—not to control them, but to love them well.
You don’t need perfect words. You just need to be a safe place to land.
View comments
+ Leave a comment