The content shared on this blog is for informational and educational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you or your child are in crisis or need immediate help, please contact a licensed mental health professional or call/text the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988.
You’ve just found out your teen is self-harming—and your world feels like it’s spinning. Maybe you discovered hidden cuts, overheard a conversation, or they bravely told you themselves. No matter how you found out, one thing is certain: your heart is breaking, and you want to help.
If you’re wondering what to do if your child is self-harming, you’re not alone. Thousands of parents search for that answer every month. This brief post will walk you through practical steps to help your child—and take care of yourself, too.
First, Breathe. Then Respond with Love
Your first instinct may be to panic, cry, or ask, “Why would you do this?”—but your initial reaction matters more than you know.
Here’s what to do in that first moment:
- Stay calm. Your child is already overwhelmed. A calm tone helps them feel safe.
- Avoid shame or guilt. Don’t say “This is crazy” or “How could you do this?”
- Tell them you love them. Reassure them: “I’m here. You’re not in trouble. We’ll get through this together.”
Remember, your child didn’t start self-harming to hurt you—they’re using it to cope with something they can’t yet say out loud.
What to Do If Your Child Is Self-Harming: Step-by-Step
1. Have a Gentle Conversation
Choose a quiet, private moment. Ask open-ended questions like:
- “Can you help me understand how you’ve been feeling?”
- “Is there something you’ve been trying to manage on your own?” Avoid pushing for explanations. Let them talk when they’re ready.
2. Get Professional Help
If you’re wondering how to help a self-harming teenager, the best support often comes from a mental health professional. Look for:
- A licensed therapist or counselor (ideally with experience in teen self-injury)
- Your pediatrician, who can check for physical safety and provide referrals
- A school counselor or psychologist for added support during the day
3. Remove or Secure Harmful Items
If safe to do so, remove tools your teen may use to hurt themselves—like razors or sharp objects. This won’t solve the issue, but it reduces risk while healing begins.
4. Create a Supportive Environment
- Keep routines as normal as possible—structure provides comfort.
- Encourage healthy coping skills (journaling, exercise, art).
- Check in regularly—but don’t hover. Let them know they’re seen without pressure.
What NOT to Do
- ❌ Don’t make it about you. (“How could you do this to me?”)
- ❌ Don’t threaten or punish. (“If you cut again, you’re grounded.”)
- ❌ Don’t minimize their pain. (“You’re just being dramatic.”)
These reactions can deepen shame, which may lead to more self-harm.
How to Take Care of You, Too
Your heart is heavy. You’re scared, grieving, and possibly blaming yourself. Please hear this:
This is not your fault.
You are a good parent.
And you are allowed to get help, too.
- Talk to a trusted friend or therapist
- Set healthy boundaries around emotionally draining conversations
- Get sleep, eat nourishing food, and take moments to breathe
You’re walking a hard road—but you don’t have to walk it alone.
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