Finding out that your child is self-harming is one of the hardest things a parent can experience. You may feel a wave of emotions—fear, sadness, confusion, even guilt. And once you begin processing it yourself, another difficult question often follows:
How do I tell the rest of the family my child self-harms?
The content shared on this blog is for informational and educational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you or your child are in crisis or need immediate help, please contact a licensed mental health professional or call/text the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988.
Talking to family about your child’s self-harm can feel overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to be. With care, clarity, and compassion, you can share what’s happening in a way that protects your child’s privacy, encourages support, and helps your family become a more understanding and safe place for your child to heal.
1. Start With Your “Why”
Before having any conversations, take a moment to ask yourself why you want to tell your family. Do you need support? Do you want them to be more sensitive around your child? Do you need help managing care or logistics? Knowing your reasons will help guide the conversation and keep it focused.
2. Choose the Right People
You don’t have to tell everyone. Consider which family members are emotionally mature, compassionate, and trustworthy. Start with the ones who are most likely to offer the kind of support you and your child need.
If your child is old enough, ask them who they feel comfortable with knowing. Giving them a say in who is told helps them feel respected and involved in their own healing.
3. Pick a Calm Moment
Avoid bringing it up during family gatherings, holidays, or emotionally charged situations. Choose a quiet, private time to talk—whether in person, on the phone, or even in writing if that feels safer.
4. Stick to the Facts (With Sensitivity)
You don’t need to share every detail. Say only what feels appropriate. A simple version might be:
“I want to share something important. [Child’s name] has been struggling emotionally and has been self-harming. We’re getting help and supporting them through this. I wanted you to know because [insert your reason—e.g., we may need extra support, we want to create a more understanding environment, etc.].”
Avoid speculation or blame. Focus on empathy and the steps you’re taking to support your child.
5. Be Ready for Mixed Reactions
Some people may respond with compassion and others with confusion, fear, or even judgment—especially if they don’t understand mental health well. Try to prepare yourself emotionally for those reactions. Gently correct myths (like “they’re just doing it for attention”) and encourage a learning mindset:
“This isn’t about drama or attention. It’s a sign that [child’s name] is in pain and needs support, not punishment.”
You don’t need to justify your parenting choices. Simply share what you’re comfortable with, and set clear boundaries around your child’s privacy.
6. Offer Resources (If You Want)
If your family is open to learning more, you can recommend books, websites, or mental health professionals who can explain what self-harm is and how to be supportive. This can help shift the conversation from fear to understanding.
7. Create a Supportive Circle
When family members respond with love, empathy, and a willingness to learn, lean on them. Let them be part of your support system. If they respond with denial, shame, or hurtful comments, it’s okay to limit what you share in the future.
You are your child’s advocate. Protecting their emotional safety is just as important as raising awareness within your family.
Talking to your family about your child’s self-harm is not easy—but you don’t have to carry the weight of this alone. The more we speak about mental health and self-harm with honesty and compassion, the more we break the stigma and create environments where healing is truly possible.
You are doing brave, important work as a parent. Be gentle with yourself, and remember—you are not alone.
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