Warning Signs of Self-Harm in Teens: What Parents Should Know

It’s every parent’s worst fear—realizing that your teen may be hurting themselves. Maybe you’ve noticed something feels off, but you’re not sure if it’s just typical teenage moodiness or something more serious. Understanding the warning signs of self-harm in teens can help you spot the problem early and support your child before it worsens.

This guide will walk you through what to look for, how to navigate these signs, and what to do next.

The content shared on this blog is for informational and educational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you or your child are in crisis or need immediate help, please contact a licensed mental health professional or call/text the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988.

Understanding Self-Harm: Why Do Teens Do It?

Self-harm—also known as non-suicidal self-injury (NSSI)—is when someone deliberately harms themselves to cope with emotional pain, overwhelming feelings, or a sense of numbness. It is not typically a suicide attempt but rather a coping mechanism.

Teens may self-harm because:

• They feel overwhelmed by emotions they can’t express.
• They’re struggling with anxiety, depression, or trauma.
• They want to feel something when they feel numb.
• They feel a sense of control over pain they can choose.

Understanding this can help you approach your teen with empathy instead of fear or anger.

Top Warning Signs of Self-Harm in Teens

1. Unexplained Cuts, Bruises, or Burns

• Cuts, scratches, or burn marks that appear on the wrists, arms, thighs, or stomach—areas that are easily covered.
• Bandages or first aid supplies appearing unexpectedly.

2. Wearing Long Sleeves or Pants, Even in Hot Weather

• Your teen may insist on wearing hoodies, long sleeves, or pants to cover injuries, even when it’s warm outside.

3. Isolation or Withdrawal

• Spending long periods locked in their room.
• Avoiding social activities they used to enjoy.
• Refusing to let you see them change clothes or be around them without being covered.

4. Emotional Instability or Intense Mood Swings

• Sudden outbursts of anger, crying, or anxiety.
• Excessive guilt, shame, or self-criticism.
• Difficulty handling stress or frustration.

5. Finding Sharp Objects or Bloodstains

• Finding razors, glass, paper clips, or other sharp items in their room.
• Bloodstains on clothing, sheets, or towels.

6. Frequent Excuses for Injuries

• Claiming the cuts are from “the cat” or an accident—over and over again.
• Using vague explanations like, “I tripped” or “I don’t remember.”

7. Changes in Behavior or Personality

• Becoming secretive or overly private.
• An unexpected drop in grades or loss of interest in hobbies.
• Increased irritability, sadness, or hopelessness.

What to Do If You Notice These Signs

Finding out your teen may be self-harming is terrifying, but how you respond matters. Here’s how to navigate it:

1. Stay Calm and Don’t React with Shock

• Your first response sets the tone. Avoid yelling, blaming, or panicking.
• Instead, say something like, “I’ve noticed you’ve been struggling lately, and I want you to know I’m here for you. Can we talk?”

2. Choose a Safe Time to Talk

• Pick a quiet, private moment when your teen is calm.
• Use open-ended questions:
  • “I’ve noticed you’ve been wearing long sleeves a lot—can you tell me why?”
  • “Sometimes people hurt themselves when they’re overwhelmed. Is that something you’re dealing with?”

3. Offer Support, Not Judgment

• Make it clear they are not in trouble.
• Tell them you love them, and that your goal is to help, not to punish.

4. Don’t Demand Explanations

• They may not be able to tell you why they self-harm. That’s okay.
• Instead, focus on how you can help them feel safe and supported.

5. Seek Professional Help

• Contact a licensed therapist who specializes in teen mental health.
• Let your child know that therapy is a safe, non-punitive place to talk.

6. Remove Harmful Items if Possible

• If safe to do so, remove sharp objects or items they may use to hurt themselves.
• Remember, this is not a complete solution—self-harm is about emotional pain, not just physical tools.

How to Maintain a Supportive Environment

Creating a supportive, open environment can reduce the urge to self-harm. Here’s how:

• Keep the lines of communication open. Let them know they can talk to you without fear.
• Practice active listening. Don’t interrupt or try to “fix” immediately.
• Encourage healthy coping skills, like journaling, drawing, or exercising.
• Stay engaged in their life. Attend their events, ask about their friends, and keep them involved in family activities.

What If They Refuse to Talk?

It’s possible your teen may not want to talk about their self-harm, especially at first. In this case:

• Reassure them that you love them and are here whenever they’re ready.
• Continue to check in gently—without hovering.
• Consider talking to a mental health professional yourself for guidance.

When to Seek Emergency Help

If your child’s injuries are severe or they express thoughts of suicide, do not wait. Call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room. You can also call the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline for immediate support.

Final Thoughts

Seeing the warning signs of self-harm in your teen is heartbreaking—but recognizing them early is a critical step toward healing. Your love, patience, and willingness to learn can make a world of difference.

Keep showing up. Keep listening. And remember, there is hope.